The Real Housewives of Nairobi

The Real Housewives franchise has cemented its place in pop culture all around the world and has been instrumental in propelling women, especially black ones, to stardom simply for being.

For those of us that are avid watchers the likes of Nene Leakes and Karen Huger have become icons for eliciting adoration on one end and revulsion on the other, depending on the story line; we have witnessed their growth as characters throughout the many seasons as well as the growth of their audiences.

For the West, a housewife—a real one at that—must be married or aspire to be married: they must be family-oriented, and must desire the heterosexual monogamous family structure and abide by it. Of course, as modern women, they may enjoy certain freedoms, but they must nevertheless primarily protect 'family' values. The famous 'close your legs to married men' soundbite by Nene, and the read to Kenya by Phaedra about 'peddling sperm banks' instead of doing it the old-fashioned way are just but a few that spring to mind.

When the cast of Potomac talk about Ashley's marriage, there is a tone of disdain for Ashley's need to assimilate socially by marrying an older, wealthy, white man with interesting sexual inclinations as her come up. It is however not entirely frowned upon, and the women that go this route are met with grace albeit miniscule as we see with Porsha Williams. In the latest Potomac season, the ladies ridicule Ashley because the plan to get rich by marrying the white man crumbles as she is divorced without getting any money, alimony, or even the house they shared.

As the Real Housewives franchise moved to various cities around the world, there arose different variations to the definition of a ‘Real Housewife’ based on the cultures there. In Dubai for instance, the housewives are keen on portraying themselves as conservative homemakers. In Lagos, money is king and influence is queen—power struggles arise over who is the most stylish and the richest, with conservative values around womanhood taking centre stage when one Laura Ikeji is accused of being pimped out to governors at a hotel by her fellow castmates, resulting in a physical altercation.

It is evident that while these women's lives are entertaining to watch and offer some form of wealth pornography for us viewers to indulge, what causes the drama that keeps the seasons going and going is womanhood, and how far we can stretch its definitions. Desirability and class are at the core of these definitions across all seasons and cities.

So, what makes a Nairobian ‘Real Housewife’?

We meet the cast members, most of whom we've seen before like Vera Sidika, Minne Kariuki and Sonal. Immediately, we know that money makes a real housewife; And, to be clear, not money they've married into, but money they've made themselves. These women pride themselves in being business 'moguls' and professionals, and although some of them married wealthy men, they make a point of reminding the audience that they are at the front seat of their success.

It is almost unfashionable to be a stay at home wife in this circle of women, much like the general female population of Nairobi. These Nairobian Housewives, however, are very insistent on marrying rich since the social mobility afforded by this is not lost on them. Their relationship to marriage is paradoxical because Susan is very happy and proud to be divorced and announces it every chance she gets, but when Vera announces Sonal's divorce to the public she is met with anger for outing what should have been a secret. Lisa, a white a rally driver, is doubtful of the existence of Minne's husband but upon meeting him, is of the opinion that the marriage is a sham as it is not statutory but a customary one; This was an issue of great debate prior to the promulgation of the Constitution of Kenya, 2010, where marriages contracted under African traditions were not recognised and therefore not protected by the law. This belief that European practices are better and vastly superior to African customs underlies a lot of the tension in the Real Housewives of Nairobi group.

Speaking of Lisa, what would a portrayal of Nairobi's elite be without the token white expatriate who enjoys all the perks of whiteness in a neocolonial state? Susan refers to her as a white woman that is more Kenyan than Kenyans themselves, after which they laugh at the affirmation from an African woman. Susan is representative of the African elite who equate success with whiteness and are more than willing to pander to the white people in their circles who to them, are evidence that they have surpassed the barriers of Africanness and entered the world of the civilized—much like the African chiefs during the colonial era. They are the black friends who are brought up anytime a white person is accused of racism or any time racism is blamed for the rampant poverty we experience. The comment somehow legitimizes her casting as a housewife even though we hear nothing about her marital status throughout the show. She is a settler trope walking: Her money buys her access to indigenous cultures that natives no longer have access to as we see when she displays her vast knowledge of the animals during the safari drive at Nairobi National Park and when she invites the Olaibon to her home to make a prayer for her. It is not surprising that she takes umbrage with Minne who refuses to pander to the rest of the castmates who feel that she is younger and less polished than the rest of them. Lisa constantly picks on Minne’s marriage, her dressing, her speech, and basically how she presents herself; at one point Lisa even offers to take Minne to an etiquette class.

Vera's butt is an entire cast member on its own. Her body has been the centre of discussion online for years and it is interesting to see how her castmates interact with her. She seems to have a clear understanding that her body is her money-maker, and admits to creating controversy around it because the public is basically obsessed. Her castmates, however, are either ignorant or refuse to accept the parasocial relationship social media and they themselves have with Vera. The other Real Housewives 'attack' her for her social media stunts and ask why she needs body guards for her butt, while simultaneously asking her to twerk or teach them how to. They talk about how big her behind is when she walks into venues, and Minne even jokes that the earth moved when she twerked during their Malindi trip. Vera at one point says she will start charging them every time they ask her to twerk, solidifying my belief that she is aware that her body is the attraction to the brand that is Vera Sidika. It is strange then that these women do not seem to understand why she does the things she does. Colourism also follows Vera around during the show, with castmates and the audience commenting on her skin lightening procedures which leads us back to whiteness, and it being a threshold for desirability. During Vera’s argument with Sonal, the latter, an Indian woman, tells Vera that she should continue bleaching her skin because she wants so badly to be white and wasn't lucky to be born with lighter skin like she was.

Sex is an important component of womanhood as defined under compulsory heterosexuality, where the Madonna-whore complex causes some form of cognitive dissonance for women who opt into traditional relationships. The Nairobi women do not shy away from discussing their bedroom business, and Lisa even discloses her ex-husband’s shortcomings as the reason for their divorce. It is not lost on me that these women are pretty conservative and only approve of sex if the women are not overly boisterous about it, if they acquiesce their agency even a little bit, and if the men come across as the initiators. They are a lot of the times the objects of sex, and when Dr. C says that she is a gold-digger and proudly so, the women are visibly put off. It is therefore no shock when they, in my opinion, misconstrue Dr. C’s statement about being referred to as Madam P by her friends and basically paint her as a sexual deviant to affirm their already existing beliefs arising from the gold digger discussion. Dr. C is also very quick to distance herself from the accusations because she is aware of the damage even being linked to sex work would do to her social capital. The reaction from the women was not out of concern for the possible victims of sex trafficking, but rather out of disgust arising from the stigma associated with sex work. It was also evident at the Reunion when Minne alleged that Sonal was paid some money in exchange for sex. The irony is not lost on me that in this instance Sonal, who was at the forefront of the pimp discussion, became suddenly aware that nobody has the right to police how women choose to practice consensual sex.

What do we learn here? Sex workers in Nairobi are dehumanised and unvalued. We learn that sex workers fall outside of the confines of womanhood and the protections—albeit minimal— being part of this social class (women) affords them, and all this because 'they do not follow the rules.'

I could go on and on because the show is an anthropological study on womanhood and its perception among Kenyans; Of the tensions that exist between African women and their assigned genders and how they choose to participate in society as such, and the roles we play in policing each other on behalf of the State. Discussions around African hair, Swahili as a respectable language, wealth inequality, colonization, new money and old money, zoning and urban planning of Nairobi residential areas, as well as discussions surrounding class anxieties, especially among the wealthier Nairobians and their need to safeguard their position in a city that is largely occupied and supported by the poor, should be had in a meaningful way. What does it mean for us when we see Nairobi through their lens, and how does it make us feel as Kenyans?

Are we proud? Are we angry? Are we voyeurs? Is this a Nairobi we aspire to see and experience? Can we make that Nairobi one that all Kenyans can experience? For those of you that know that Nairobi, is it even real???

So, what makes a Nairobi Housewife? Whiteness. Proximity to it. Pursuing it. Be it the language they speak, the places they visit, or the people they marry. There is a disdain for normal Kenyan behaviour when they speak of the Kenya National Theatre and the CBD. There is an incessant need to show that they are so far removed from the realities of daily Kenyan life just to prove that they are successful. What makes a Nairobi Housewife? A Nairobi Housewife is proof that colonization worked, and they are grateful for it.

~Y